Archive for August, 2009

One year later…

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

Hello dear friends,

Today is a special day. We all wish we were celebrating the 1 year anniversary of Isabelle’s Fontan with jubilee, however, that’s not the case. It was one year ago that we took Isabelle to Children’s Mercy for her Fontan. Amanda and I were talking yesterday about it and we remember the days leading up and the day itself - just like it was yesterday. Then the tears came. A year ago Isabelle had been riding her bike which she got from the tooth fairy, she had made a big batch of sugar cookies (you’ve seen the video), learned to climb a tree, went on her last park visit and spent time in the garden with Mommy and Sissy. We built our first fort and played in it. We celebrated Elorah’s b-day early so Isabelle could participate (I am so glad we did that). We were just ready to get the Fontan over with so we could get on with our lives. We felt in our hearts that Isabelle would just be in the hospital for 3 weeks max. We wanted to cross this bridge and not look back. Little did we know.

I remember taking Isabelle in. She packed a suitcase with a dress, her Tiggy and she put on her favorite summer dress. She was very calm and serene the entire morning. Surely she saw the fear on our faces, but she kept strong. She never questioned or stopped to ask “Why I am doing this? Where are we going?” or never put up a fight about it. It was as if her spirit was calmed. We met with the nurses, then the anethesiologist, then the surgeon. We asked a few questions, but we knew the drill. At this point, we were scared to death and we were now leaning on Isabelle’s strength. We watched her confidence and it gave us confidence.

We took Isabelle down that fateful corridor and before the sedatives kicked in, we said our goodbyes. We gave her lots of hugs and kisses and gave her over to the nurse. How I wish I would have just grabbed her back and ran…

We quietly walked back to the waiting room and we decided to go to the Ronald McDonald house. Our first update came in that they’ve started the anesthesia, then another update about the clearing of scar tissue, then another about the placement of the pacemaker, then another about the surgery, then another about her being out of surgery. It was long and hard for us. Very hard. At this point, I just wanted her to be out of there, I wanted her back.

When she was taken to the ICU we got our first look and it gave me flashbacks of when we saw her after her other surgeries. It’s a scary sight, lots of monitors, IV’s, equipment and staff buzzing around. It was hard to stay calm and focus, but we did it for Isabelle.

For the rest of my life I’ll always have the memories of Isabelle before surgery, for the rest of my life I’ll always wish it was August 24th, 2008. It’s one of those days you wish you could go back to and change things. For the next 108 days Isabelle would fight through complication after complication, procedure after procedure, and she’d prevail every time. She never quit fighting, even until her poor, tired heart truly failed. She exhibited the strength of a tiger and the grace of a Princess and so she became the Warrior Princess.

Isabelle, my Isabella-boo, Mommy and Daddy miss you so much…we miss you so much.

We love you Isabelle, forever and ever, you are our Princess, our Warrior Princess.

Mommy, Daddy, Elorah and your soon-to-be baby brother (due in a month)

P.S. If you have time, please listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0NoHN1TU5I (we played 1000’s of hours of Enya while in the hospital, this song included)

Here are the lyrics

Only Time by Enya

Who can say where the road goes, Where the day flows?
Only time…

And who can say if your love grows, As your heart chose?
Only time…

Who can say why your heart sighs, As your love flies?
Only time…

And who can say why your heart cries, When your love lies?
Only time…

(interlude)

Who can say when the roads meet, That love might be,
In your heart.

And who can say when the day sleeps, If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart…

(long interlude)

Who can say if your love grows, As your heart chose?
Only time…

And who can say where the road goes, Where the day flows?
Only time…

Who knows?
Only time…

Who knows?
Only time…